When people meet someone new, it’s a common practice to ask what each other does for a living. It also seems commonplace in a church setting for people to discuss their testimonies, specifically how long they’ve been a Christian.
Imagine being in the awkward situation of not being able to answer that question! Strange, I know. But I’ve struggled to be able to tell people just when I became a Christian. This became an issue when I tried to start writing my testimony.
The history
Here’s the deal. I was raised in a strong Christian home and knew stories about Jesus from the time I was incredibly young. I’m not even sure how old I was when I accepted Jesus but I know I knew what I was doing and was making my own decision. It was also my own decision to be baptized in second grade.
So what happened? Lots that I won’t go in to, but basically over the years I got the idea of how many Christians behave mixed up with the idea of who God is. My heart and mind got trapped in the legalism and judgment of it all instead of focusing on God’s love, acceptance and truth.
I never stopped believing in God, I just had an ever-decreasing desire to have a real relationship with him. I used to do devotions out of guilt (or as a homework assignment, I went to Christian schools growing up). But somehow they never meant much to me. I was wracked with guilt over this and wondered if I was really a Christian. Sure, I lived the lifestyle but there was no spiritual relationship there. My theology says yes, I was a Christian, because I had accepted God’s gift of salvation and never stopped doubting his power. But something in my heart wondered how that could be possible that I could still be a Christian when I had no real, faithful relationship with Christ.
Fast forward about 15 years. I was in my late 20s and had quit going to church or even trying to read my Bible. I decided doing anything out of guilt was wrong and I couldn’t do it any more. I was trying to figure out my standards on a lot of issues and I knew I wasn’t settling on Godly solutions. In the back of my mind I knew returning to God was the right thing to do but I was so filled with anger and mistrust I couldn’t do it.
I reached a point of rock bottom emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I knew the life I was living was tearing me down and in my head I knew God was the answer but my heart was still leery. So that’s when I made my “deal” with God.
I told him I would try the relationship “thing” under one condition. That it be all about him. Not about Christians and the rules or expectations they place. Not about life’s disappointments and pain. Just him. Focusing on his power, his glory, just him.
Remember the old Amy Grant song “I Have Decided”? A part of the lyrics go like this: “I have decided, I’m gonna live like a believer, turn my back on the deceiver. I’m gonna live what I believe.”
I feel like that song could be one of many anthems that describe my life in the last couple of years.
The conundrum
So back to the original point. I wasn’t sure when I became a Christian. Was it when I asked Jesus into my heart, just like my theology (and I believe the Bible) says? Or was it when I decided to start actually having a real relationship with God?
I’ve asked many wise Christian friends and one of my pastors and I think I’ve settled on an answer. I can, in clear conscience, say that I became a Christian as a child but that I started truly living it a few years ago.
I see it as something of stages. The actual salvation happened as a child but as we all grow and develop in our relationships with God and others, things change and we either get closer or farther away. I went farther away but then I came back. I think this is part of the natural process of growing in Christ, I just did it in a more extreme way *smile.*
I liked how my pastor put it so I’m going to quote him for a moment.
“In the Romans message we talk about the fullness of Salvation—God saved us (justification). God is saving us (sanctification). And God will save us (glorification). When someone becomes a Christian, they get the whole package of salvation. But they may not realize or grow into that whole package right away. This is especially true of children who receive Christ at an early age. They buy into the justification part of salvation … Jesus forgives my sin and pays my debt. But they don’t know what it means to embrace the rest of salvation… Jesus is changing me continually as I walk with Him (sanctification)… and I can’t wait until He finishes the job when I’m with Him (glorification).”
So what now?
I’m hoping to be rebaptized sometime but don’t know when. God will tell me when my heart and mind are ready! I don’t consider my original baptism “invalid” (in fact, the implication I get of that from some churches downright offends me), but I want to make a new statement. The last time I was making a statement of childlike faith. Now I want a grownup relationship with Christ and I want something that symbolizes that.
I pray that as I trudge forward in this life, I will continue to keep my eyes on Christ … and him alone.
PS…just wanted to share this video of the song “I Have Decided” that has the lyrics. I find it encouraging and I hope you do as well!
Last 5 posts by gingerbreadnewslady
- Acceptance and getting help-not a 2-step process - September 1st, 2010
- It's OK for churches to take snow days - May 7th, 2010
- Worth saving - February 7th, 2010
- Finding a healthy you (after spiritual abuse) - January 30th, 2010
- Finding a healthy church after facing spiritual abuse - December 30th, 2009
5 Responses to “When did you become a Christian? (I dunno)”
Jamie! Thank You so much for sharing this! In my ways I do ‘relate’ that salvation itself while I do believe is a one-time event can ‘seem’ like an ongoing process. Praise Him that it is He who saves! Thank You so much for sharing Jamie!
Thanks, Wade! This one was tough to find the right balance when writing but I'm glad I posted it. I hope my story helps someone else who might be struggling with any similar issues.
Thanks for sharing and adding the video post, a good start to my day. I like the reminder that salvation is a step by step process…and I too am thankful for having found Jesus as a child, but there have been many times in my journey where I have had to stand on the fact that God is saving me and will continue to save me. Because I fall into a life of selfishness and self righteousness over and over again. God Bless
It is always interesting to read another believer's testimony. This demonstrates the love and saving power of Jesus Christ in all of our lives. Despite our different experiences and backgrounds, the fact remains all have sinned and need the blood of Jesus Christ to be cleansed from sin. I encourage you to be Baptised (full water immersion) as soon as possible and to continue to follow Jesus Christ!
May God Continue To Be Your Light And Salvation.
You may not have the testimonial that has everyone on the edge of their seat, or everyone in tears but we all need to remember it is our witness to Jesus Christ. It's ok to tell them when, but I think the important question they should be asking is "HOW did you become a Christian." Great post, I really like your site, hope you update soon.