Within the pro-life work that I am fully engaged in, we spend a great deal of time looking at the client…and well we should.  But what sometimes begins to trouble me is our near obsession with a focus on her choices: What she will choose for her baby, what she will choose about her body, and what she will choose about her relationship with God.  Now hear me when I say that those can all be legitimate things to talk about with a client and we can’t stop talking to her about the decisions she needs to make.  But I believe it sometimes happens that when we spend so much time emphasizing how we can best empower women to choose, we somehow begin to lose a bit of the awe and wonder and trembling that should come as we consider how God is over and bigger and sovereign even concerning these choices that are made.

The point that I am making is this: When we look at the whole of the Scriptures, through which God is revealed to us, the main thrust or emphasis and the ultimate deciding factor which determines the future is not the choices of mankind but the supreme power of God.  People get up in arms when they hear things like this and will try to look up every verse in the Bible that shows where there are decisions that people made that led to consequences.  Of course the Bible is full of those, and they are true, legitimate, good, and necessary circumstances to point out and teach.  But when it comes to the conclusions of the matter, when the prophets and apostles have to sum it all up, sometimes after having sorted through the most difficult concepts concerning the will, God’s control, and His plans/purposes, the writers were left where Paul felt himself in writing to the Romans: …from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.  To Him be glory forever.  Amen.

Let us be careful that we end in the place that Scripture does when we speak of the choices of women (and men), lest our end-of-the-day phrase look something more like, “The buck stops with the decisions of mankind, so we better decide where God fits into all this and what we’re going to do with Him.  Amen.”  It sounds almost silly, but it doesn’t take much for us to begin to make God look as if He is smaller than the “grand” decisions we all make about even some of life’s biggest issues.

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It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of abuse a person encounters-be it physical, emotional, mental, sexual or spiritual, it’s incredibly difficult to admit the abuse is happening. Or if it’s something that happened in the past, especially during childhood, it’s hard to admit that it did happen.

Admitting, accepting that someone hurt us, that they controlled us, feels almost impossible. But it’s the necessary first step in recovery. Acknowledging there is a problem and naming it for what it is.

I think there’s plenty of reasons someone might have for not wanting to admit the abuse. Even if they are willing to admit something isn’t right, they don’t like to call it “abuse.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“It can’t be abuse if I willingly stayed in the situation.”

“My pastor/church/loved one love me and are trying to do what’s best for me and don’t realize it’s hurting me.”

“What they are saying/doing can’t be abusive, they’re of God!”

No matter what the reason, it can be one of the hardest things to admit that we are being or were abused. Another common thought process I see is the idea of not wanting the “victim mentality.”

So many people use the word “abuse” to mean someone did something they didn’t like. Or they use it to not take responsibility for their own actions. I’ve known people who couldn’t admit they were being abused because they didn’t want to be lumped in with those who, well, abuse the concept of abuse.

Admitting you’ve been abused does not put you in the victim mentality, I can assure you. In my unprofessional opinion, it puts you at a crossroads. Once you recognize the behavior as abusive, you can choose that “victim mentality” route, where you just become angry at those who hurt you and use that anger and pain to behave irresponsibly. Or, you can choose to find healing. There is healing from abuse, including spiritual abuse.

I’m learning that healing is a life-time process, although the pain does seem to decrease over time to some degree. Healing and recovery comes from faith, time and support. Wait, I said faith. So what if someone was so spiritually abused that they no longer have a faith in God? There’s healing for you, too. I hope it finds you back with God and knowing of his grace instead of human judgment. Many who are spiritually abused have to take a healthy step back from God to examine who he really is. My hope and prayer is that for all who face this dilemma, it’s only a step back instead of running away with no looking back.

No matter what brought you to that crossroads of deciding the victim mentality or the the path of healing, you have a choice to make. It’s your responsibility. Even though you were not at fault for the abuse, you are responsible for the recovery.

I once heard this analogy that I just love: Say someone shoots you in the leg. You were just walking along, minding your own business and BANG. You have a choice. You can sit there and moan about how it wasn’t your fault and it’s not fair, or you can seek medical attention. One path leads to almost certain death and one leads to probable life.

Which way are you going to choose? What’s holding you back from healing and recovery?

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Imagine being in the awkward situation of not being able to answer that question! Strange, I know. But I’ve struggled to be able to tell people just when I became a Christian. This became an issue when I tried to start writing my testimony.

The history
Here’s the deal. I was raised in a strong Christian home and knew stories about Jesus from the time I was incredibly young. I’m not even sure how old I was when I accepted Jesus but I know I knew what I was doing and was making my own decision. It was also my own decision to be baptized in second grade.

So what happened? Lots that I won’t go in to, but basically over the years I got the idea of how many Christians behave mixed up with the idea of who God is. My heart and mind got trapped in the legalism and judgment of it all instead of focusing on God’s love, acceptance and truth.

I never stopped believing in God, I just had an ever-decreasing desire to have a real relationship with him. I used to do devotions out of guilt (or as a homework assignment, I went to Christian schools growing up). But somehow they never meant much to me. I was wracked with guilt over this and wondered if I was really a Christian. Sure, I lived the lifestyle but there was no spiritual relationship there. My theology says yes, I was a Christian, because I had accepted God’s gift of salvation and never stopped doubting his power. But something in my heart wondered how that could be possible that I could still be a Christian when I had no real, faithful relationship with Christ.

Fast forward about 15 years. I was in my late 20s and had quit going to church or even trying to read my Bible. I decided doing anything out of guilt was wrong and I couldn’t do it any more. I was trying to figure out my standards on a lot of issues and I knew I wasn’t settling on Godly solutions. In the back of my mind I knew returning to God was the right thing to do but I was so filled with anger and mistrust I couldn’t do it.

I reached a point of rock bottom emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I knew the life I was living was tearing me down and in my head I knew God was the answer but my heart was still leery. So that’s when I made my “deal” with God.

I told him I would try the relationship “thing” under one condition. That it be all about him. Not about Christians and the rules or expectations they place. Not about life’s disappointments and pain. Just him. Focusing on his power, his glory, just him.

Remember the old Amy Grant song “I Have Decided”? A part of the lyrics go like this: “I have decided, I’m gonna live like a believer, turn my back on the deceiver. I’m gonna live what I believe.”

I feel like that song could be one of many anthems that describe my life in the last couple of years.

The conundrum
So back to the original point. I wasn’t sure when I became a Christian. Was it when I asked Jesus into my heart, just like my theology (and I believe the Bible) says? Or was it when I decided to start actually having a real relationship with God?

I’ve asked many wise Christian friends and one of my pastors and I think I’ve settled on an answer. I can, in clear conscience, say that I became a Christian as a child but that I started truly living it a few years ago.

I see it as something of stages. The actual salvation happened as a child but as we all grow and develop in our relationships with God and others, things change and we either get closer or farther away. I went farther away but then I came back. I think this is part of the natural process of growing in Christ, I just did it in a more extreme way *smile.*

I liked how my pastor put it so I’m going to quote him for a moment.
“In the Romans message we talk about the fullness of Salvation—God saved us (justification). God is saving us (sanctification). And God will save us (glorification). When someone becomes a Christian, they get the whole package of salvation. But they may not realize or grow into that whole package right away. This is especially true of children who receive Christ at an early age. They buy into the justification part of salvation … Jesus forgives my sin and pays my debt. But they don’t know what it means to embrace the rest of salvation… Jesus is changing me continually as I walk with Him (sanctification)… and I can’t wait until He finishes the job when I’m with Him (glorification).”

So what now?
I’m hoping to be rebaptized sometime but don’t know when. God will tell me when my heart and mind are ready! I don’t consider my original baptism “invalid” (in fact, the implication I get of that from some churches downright offends me), but I want to make a new statement. The last time I was making a statement of childlike faith. Now I want a grownup relationship with Christ and I want something that symbolizes that.

I pray that as I trudge forward in this life, I will continue to keep my eyes on Christ … and him alone.

PS…just wanted to share this video of the song “I Have Decided” that has the lyrics. I find it encouraging and I hope you do as well!

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Some of you might be wondering why I’m writing about churches having snow days when it’s mid-May. Well, to be perfectly blunt, I spent half of April in the hospital and the other half recuperating. So, I never got to finish this blog. I’m finishing it now because the ideas are still timely. As summer vacation time comes upon us, people will of course be missing church. There’s always going to be reasons some have to miss services some times but that doesn’t mean A) they are less of a Christian or B) that they can’t find other ways to worship God and learn outside their normal church service.

But back to the weird, late-March snow storm! We were all told that this would happen, but I’m not sure we believed it. After all, the snow was coming in on the first day of spring and the snow followed several days of 70-degree weather. That, and I live in the mid-south. Arkansas, to be exact. Not exactly one of the states known for being a frozen tundra six months out of every year.

But fall it did…on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. Many churches that morning canceled services and I know many people who chose to not attend services even though their church was in session. What upset me was I also heard people criticizing those churches and people who chose safety over showing up at a church service. It wasn’t the first time I heard it, either. Every time it snowed on a weekend here this winter, it was open season to judge. Comments about the lack of faithfulness from the churches because they didn’t open their doors. Or how those who chose to stay home were somehow less committed to God and the church because they stayed home one weekend.

It made me furious. I even called some people on it and called their attitudes what it is, spiritual abuse. Yes, I understand that many people use silly excuses to not attend church and are therefore not being fed as well spiritually and are not experiencing fellowship with other believers. This phenomenon of apathy is something with which churches really struggle. But safety and health are not silly excuses.

(I should step in and explain one minor detail here. Some of you may be looking at that photo and saying “they canceled church/school for THAT?” Remember, I said I live in the south. We don’t get much snow here, therefore we’re ill equipped to clear it as well as the northern states. We got about four inches that weekend, but even two inches of frozen precipitation has been enough to paralyze us here!)

I hate to break it to any denomination that preaches this using subtle means, but church attendance is not a salvational issue. You are not less of a Christian and you are not less committed to God if you happen to miss a service. Attending church may score you points with your pastor, but not with God. He doesn’t work on a point system! Yes, it’s a good way to be fed and to fellowship. I believe, that considering God is everywhere, there is no magic found in church attendance. It makes no logical sense (and I have yet to find it in the Bible) for us to put our safety second to the idea that we must show up every single Sunday. To openly chastise or criticize people using the faulty logic is bullying and abusive, in my opinion.

All that said, there’s a whole other, secondary point I wanted to make that ties in with these thoughts. Just because you can’t make it to your house of worship (church) doesn’t mean you can’t make your house, your home, a place of worship. After all, isn’t that how it was done in the early church?

This idea of having family church at home is another thought that seemed to pervade during the weekends this past winter when the NE Oklahoma/NW Arkansas area had more snow than normal. I absolutely adore this idea and encourage it. For one, it’s providing the necessary time to worship God and it’s providing spiritual nourishment for your family.

But it also teaches your children (and yourself) possible new ways to worship God and learn about him. So why not do it? I suggest something that may seem obvious…make the lessons something the kids would understand but the adults could still learn from. In fact, this isn’t as hard as it seems. You know the phrase “faith like a child?” I’m guessing that we adults could learn a lot about faith and God if we give kids the chance to learn about the Bible with us then let them share their thoughts on what they’re learning.

Society doesn’t use the phrase “out of the mouth of babes” for nothin’!

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In his most recent book “A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren” he asks ten questions that he views his transforming the faith.  It is my personal belief that when anyone starts talking about ‘new faith’ or a new type of Christianity that sets up a red flag for me as someone who is really a wolf in sheeps clothing.  The truth is the Gospel message and those that belong to Christ (christianity) will never change.

Jude 1:3 “I felt I had to write and urge you to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints.”  After reading his latest book I have to agree with the panel discussion below that a better title for “A New Kind of Christianity” could perhaps be entitled “An Old Kind of Heresy”.

The below panel discussion is worth the watch.

2 Timothy 1:14
Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

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Over the past few days, while I have been sick *and forced to be quiet* I have had a lot of time to think and reflect.

I think we may have played into the enemy’s hands (not meaning to), but none the less I fear we have.

Consider this ~

The last few years, the main focus of the church has been much talk of the rapture and most people seem to believe in a pre-trib rapture.

The government continually talks about global warming, climate change, the end of the earth’s resources, weather patterns becoming more severe….blah, blah (insert more of the same).

There are those who continually talk about the Mayan calendar and the end of all things in 2012.

Then there are the Planet X people, who believe the 10th planet (that comes through our solar system every 3600 years) is due to come through causing great calamity and unparalleled catastrophe.

Now consider how all this would sound (and effect your judgment) if you were a teenager ~

Looks like the end is coming….

Will I ever have the opportunity to marry, have a family, a career?

Will there even be a world left for me to live in?

Teenagers (and everyone else) are constantly being bombarded with talk of the END of the world as we know it. It has to be depressing.

Where is their hope? If they are a Christian, yes, they have the rapture, but without also being deeply rooted in the Word of God, will that sustain them and give them the hope they need to be overcomers through Christ? Seems, even many of the Churches teach and preach more on their individual doctrines rather than teaching the basic fundamentals of the Word of God.

(And what if the rapture doesn’t take place?)

Psalm 11:3 warns us, “If the foundations are destroyed,What can the righteous do?”

(I am not going to go into the fact many of the newer versions of the Bible, leave out over 200 verses, thus giving a different meaning to certain sections of scripture.)

We need to consider ~

Are we giving our children and young adults “hope” or are we adding to their discouragement? Because, I believe if they are not planted on a firm foundation, we are only adding to the problem.

For those who do not have the hope of the rapture, nor the foundation of the Word to guide their lives, the world is basically giving them no hope! What affect will this have concerning their decisions on a daily basis? Why try to achieve? Why do the best they can? For what? In their thinking, if the world is going to end in a couple of years, why should I wait – ’til marriage? Why shouldn’t I – drink, do drugs, etc.? Why should I obey laws? What difference does it make?!

I believe our youth are continually hearing discouragement and despair. And I believe this plays right into Satan’s plan. After all, he came to “steal, kill and destroy.”

I feel like I have bit off a big chunk of meat that is difficult to chew. I would love to hear your comments. Does anyone else see the problem here?

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For many who have been abused, it’s not that easy. Any form of abuse, including spiritual abuse, creates a sense of shame, distrust and pain in the people it affects.

Once a person realizes they’ve been spiritually abused and they have the courage to remove themselves from the abusive situation, they still have a mountain of emotions to overcome.

Since we began writing about spiritual abuse on Daily Jesus, it’s become one of the more popular subjects on the site. The comments on my first post Abuse is Real and it Hurts, made several things clear: many people have experienced spiritual abuse, many of those who have been abused struggle to find a healthy church, and many struggle to trust God and have a healthy relationship with him.

In the post Finding a Healthy Church After Facing Spiritual Abuse, we discussed a little bit about how to find a healthy church after dealing with spiritual abuse. I’m by no means an expert on any of these subjects, but I do have some experience with having distrustful feelings towards God because of how his followers have behaved.

When I first decided to try the “God thing” again after running for more than a decade, I made a “deal” with God. I told him that if I was going to have a relationship with him, then that’s all it could be about. Just me and him and not about what church I attend, special rules put on me by his followers or some unspoken expectation that I behave a certain way because of being a church leader’s kid.

After a while, I realized I was being absurd for making this “deal” with God. Having a one-on-one relationship is all he wants! The song Heart if Worship came to mean a lot to me. The link takes you to the full lyrics, but the chorus was something my heart still has to sing from time to time:
“I’m coming back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about You,
It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I’ve made it
When it’s all about You,
It’s all about You, Jesus”

So what I’m saying is, as you start out on this journey of healing, realize that all God asks of you is your faithfulness to him. Yes, we are supposed to do good works, but it’s not the road to salvation.

Realizing that having a relationship with God is a wonderful, fruitful thing if the focus is right is just one step, however. Any person who has experienced abuse must deal with the emotional and mental damage that was done through some form of therapeutic means. Support groups and one-on-one therapy with a counselor are two key ways to accomplish this.

I would also like to suggest another program, called Celebrate Recovery. It’s a Bible-based, Christian program that doesn’t judge, preach or condemn. It’s for healing from all of life’s “hurts, habits and hangups.” You can find a local chapter or group by visiting the main Web site. And no, I’m not a paid spokesperson for the organization, just someone who has found a lot of help and healing through the program!

Well, we’ve discussed the idea of spiritual abuse, how to find a healthy church and also a few thoughts on finding personal healing. What other issues would Daily Jesus readers like to read or discuss regarding spiritual abuse? How can this ministry help you?

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Haiti Needs Your Immediate Help – Now!

A massive, 7.0 magnitude earthquake struck Haiti near the capital of Port-au-Prince on Tuesday, January 12th. The damage to buildings is extensive and the number of injured or dead is estimated to be in the hundreds, even thousands.

Daily Jesus is asking our entire family to help with the immediate and long-term Earthquake Disaster Relief now underway in devastated country.  Please prayerfully consider what you can do to help those who need immediate basic food and water, medical attention, and other survival needs.

4 Practical Ways To Help Now

1.   Just Send A Text – For those interesting in helping immediately, simply text “HAITI” to “90999″ and a donation of $10 will be given automatically to the Red Cross to help with relief efforts, charged to your cell phone bill.

2.  Red Cross – International Response Fund

The American Red Cross International Response Fund, which will provide immediate relief and long-term support through supplies, technical assistance and other support to help with the recent Earthquake in Haiti.

3.  World Vision – Haiti Earthquake Relief

4.  Northwest Haiti Christian Mission – An on the ground Christ-centered missions organization in Port-au-Prince ready to receive money to give it directly to those in need.  They are literally on the frontlines in the Capital city.  Donate Now!

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A Jealous Love!

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