Some of you might be wondering why I’m writing about churches having snow days when it’s mid-May. Well, to be perfectly blunt, I spent half of April in the hospital and the other half recuperating. So, I never got to finish this blog. I’m finishing it now because the ideas are still timely. As summer vacation time comes upon us, people will of course be missing church. There’s always going to be reasons some have to miss services some times but that doesn’t mean A) they are less of a Christian or B) that they can’t find other ways to worship God and learn outside their normal church service.

But back to the weird, late-March snow storm! We were all told that this would happen, but I’m not sure we believed it. After all, the snow was coming in on the first day of spring and the snow followed several days of 70-degree weather. That, and I live in the mid-south. Arkansas, to be exact. Not exactly one of the states known for being a frozen tundra six months out of every year.

But fall it did…on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. Many churches that morning canceled services and I know many people who chose to not attend services even though their church was in session. What upset me was I also heard people criticizing those churches and people who chose safety over showing up at a church service. It wasn’t the first time I heard it, either. Every time it snowed on a weekend here this winter, it was open season to judge. Comments about the lack of faithfulness from the churches because they didn’t open their doors. Or how those who chose to stay home were somehow less committed to God and the church because they stayed home one weekend.

It made me furious. I even called some people on it and called their attitudes what it is, spiritual abuse. Yes, I understand that many people use silly excuses to not attend church and are therefore not being fed as well spiritually and are not experiencing fellowship with other believers. This phenomenon of apathy is something with which churches really struggle. But safety and health are not silly excuses.

(I should step in and explain one minor detail here. Some of you may be looking at that photo and saying “they canceled church/school for THAT?” Remember, I said I live in the south. We don’t get much snow here, therefore we’re ill equipped to clear it as well as the northern states. We got about four inches that weekend, but even two inches of frozen precipitation has been enough to paralyze us here!)

I hate to break it to any denomination that preaches this using subtle means, but church attendance is not a salvational issue. You are not less of a Christian and you are not less committed to God if you happen to miss a service. Attending church may score you points with your pastor, but not with God. He doesn’t work on a point system! Yes, it’s a good way to be fed and to fellowship. I believe, that considering God is everywhere, there is no magic found in church attendance. It makes no logical sense (and I have yet to find it in the Bible) for us to put our safety second to the idea that we must show up every single Sunday. To openly chastise or criticize people using the faulty logic is bullying and abusive, in my opinion.

All that said, there’s a whole other, secondary point I wanted to make that ties in with these thoughts. Just because you can’t make it to your house of worship (church) doesn’t mean you can’t make your house, your home, a place of worship. After all, isn’t that how it was done in the early church?

This idea of having family church at home is another thought that seemed to pervade during the weekends this past winter when the NE Oklahoma/NW Arkansas area had more snow than normal. I absolutely adore this idea and encourage it. For one, it’s providing the necessary time to worship God and it’s providing spiritual nourishment for your family.

But it also teaches your children (and yourself) possible new ways to worship God and learn about him. So why not do it? I suggest something that may seem obvious…make the lessons something the kids would understand but the adults could still learn from. In fact, this isn’t as hard as it seems. You know the phrase “faith like a child?” I’m guessing that we adults could learn a lot about faith and God if we give kids the chance to learn about the Bible with us then let them share their thoughts on what they’re learning.

Society doesn’t use the phrase “out of the mouth of babes” for nothin’!

Share on Facebook

For many who have been abused, it’s not that easy. Any form of abuse, including spiritual abuse, creates a sense of shame, distrust and pain in the people it affects.

Once a person realizes they’ve been spiritually abused and they have the courage to remove themselves from the abusive situation, they still have a mountain of emotions to overcome.

Since we began writing about spiritual abuse on Daily Jesus, it’s become one of the more popular subjects on the site. The comments on my first post Abuse is Real and it Hurts, made several things clear: many people have experienced spiritual abuse, many of those who have been abused struggle to find a healthy church, and many struggle to trust God and have a healthy relationship with him.

In the post Finding a Healthy Church After Facing Spiritual Abuse, we discussed a little bit about how to find a healthy church after dealing with spiritual abuse. I’m by no means an expert on any of these subjects, but I do have some experience with having distrustful feelings towards God because of how his followers have behaved.

When I first decided to try the “God thing” again after running for more than a decade, I made a “deal” with God. I told him that if I was going to have a relationship with him, then that’s all it could be about. Just me and him and not about what church I attend, special rules put on me by his followers or some unspoken expectation that I behave a certain way because of being a church leader’s kid.

After a while, I realized I was being absurd for making this “deal” with God. Having a one-on-one relationship is all he wants! The song Heart if Worship came to mean a lot to me. The link takes you to the full lyrics, but the chorus was something my heart still has to sing from time to time:
“I’m coming back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about You,
It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I’ve made it
When it’s all about You,
It’s all about You, Jesus”

So what I’m saying is, as you start out on this journey of healing, realize that all God asks of you is your faithfulness to him. Yes, we are supposed to do good works, but it’s not the road to salvation.

Realizing that having a relationship with God is a wonderful, fruitful thing if the focus is right is just one step, however. Any person who has experienced abuse must deal with the emotional and mental damage that was done through some form of therapeutic means. Support groups and one-on-one therapy with a counselor are two key ways to accomplish this.

I would also like to suggest another program, called Celebrate Recovery. It’s a Bible-based, Christian program that doesn’t judge, preach or condemn. It’s for healing from all of life’s “hurts, habits and hangups.” You can find a local chapter or group by visiting the main Web site. And no, I’m not a paid spokesperson for the organization, just someone who has found a lot of help and healing through the program!

Well, we’ve discussed the idea of spiritual abuse, how to find a healthy church and also a few thoughts on finding personal healing. What other issues would Daily Jesus readers like to read or discuss regarding spiritual abuse? How can this ministry help you?

Share on Facebook

This is often true in various forms of child abuse, sexual abuse and yes, spiritual abuse. A few months ago, I wrote a blog entry for Daily Jesus about spiritual abuse and it became one of the most read posts on the site this year. The sheer number of comments and nature of the comments we received both on the post directly and in private emails paint a picture that is very clear: many of you have been hurt by some of the people you should be able to trust the most, people from your church.

My heart goes out to those who are aware that they have been or are being abused and I pray that if you are not out of that abusive situation, that God will give you the courage to leave it soon. My heart also goes out to those who are not yet aware they are being spiritually abused. My prayer for those in that situation is that God will guide their heart to realize what they are being taught is wrong, and that they will be guided to the truth.

In the comments I saw on the first post, two themes of distrust seemed painfully clear. Those who are victims of spiritual abuse face a great level of distrust of both churches and of God himself.

I wish I had some kind of magic answer to heal your pain, and I suppose I do—God can heal your pain, if you let him. But that answer is probably feels useless if you already don’t trust him, doesn’t it?

So let’s tackle the church issue and I will address the “trusting God thing” in a future post.

There are healthy churches out there and through prayer and searching, you can find them. But how? There’s no one single list for measuring a healthy church but there’s plenty of lists out there to help you formulate what a healthy church means to you.

A friend of mine who is recovering from spiritual abuse offered these two examples of sites list basic attributes you should be able to find in a healthy church:
http://www.simplychurch.com/2006/10/5_signs_of_a_he.html
http://www.lifeway.com/article/?id=167792

If you have time and the energy for more involved reading, one of the pastors at the church my husband and I attend (which is a healthy, growing and vibrant church) suggested these:
-Stephen Macchia authored a book titled “Becoming A Healthy Church: 10 Traits of a Vital Ministry.”
-Scazzero, who equates emotional health with spiritual maturity, authored “The Emotionally Healthy Church.”

One more thought I will note on this subject is that oftentimes spiritual abuse can be a trend along certain denominational/belief system lines. While some spiritually abusive churches are more abusive than others, I believe there’s some element of abuse in all churches of certain belief systems. If you find strong elements of spiritual abuse in one specific type of church, my bet would be that other churches of that type will be similar and thus should be avoided.

Share on Facebook

Hold On!

“And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock.” (Mat 7:25)

“And Jesus said to him, ‘The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.’” (Mat 8:20)

So many people have lost or are on the verge of losing their homes. The economy has caused a landslide of stormy devastation all over the world. The rains bring a flood and the winds beat against our homes; our very lives as we’ve known them are in danger of being swept away. Right now I am thinking of Rev 12:14-15: “And the two wings of the great eagle were given to the woman, in order that she might fly into the wilderness to her place, where she was nourished for a time and times and half a time, from the presence of the serpent. And the serpent POURED WATER LIKE A RIVER OUT OF HIS MOUTH AFTER THE WOMAN, SO THAT HE MIGHT CAUSE HER TO BE SWEPT AWAY WITH THE FLOOD.”

How can so many people be out of work? Everyone was certainly trained and proficient to successfully accomplish his/her profession and surely, we saw those companies prosper. Yet, almost overnight the most educated and successful business owners and employees are suddenly out of business or unemployed. A larger force, like a huge domino, started the fall of a long line of dominos ~ and how quick and great is the fall! Amidst this hurricane of a storm, we try to find SOMETHING to HOLD ONTO, some sort of shelter to cover our heads amongst the falling debris. We suddenly feel so small.

I listened to a news report the other day about a huge landslide that occurred, having stopped just feet from the foundation of an apartment complex stationed on the beautiful cliffs of Pacifica, California. All the residents were evacuated as the threat of further destruction was imminent. The report stated that the owners of the land were called upon to make the cliff-side secure before residents could return. How in the world can anyone secure the earth from the ocean’s rage? BOULDERS! They are bringing in boulders to stack along the cliff! Rocks are stronger than dirt! And what does the ocean floor consist of? SAND. May the Spirit speak.

As I searched for scriptures to minister to my heart and yours, Luke 8:14 stood out to me: “And the seed which fell among the thorns, these are the ones who have heard [the gospel], and as they go on their way they are choked with worries and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to maturity.” Are you feeling choked by thorns? Now, the Apostle Paul obviously had a “thorn in his flesh”. 2 Cor 12:7 tells us why; “Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me– to keep me from exalting myself!” Thank you, Lord.

The LORD of the Storm!

The gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke tell us about Jesus and His disciples getting into a boat to travel from Galilee to Gerasenes, located on the opposite side of the sea. It was evening when they set out. Initially, the trip started out peacefully, so peacefully in fact that Jesus actually fell asleep on the stern (rear) of the boat. Peter, Andrew, James and John were experienced fishermen. Considering they knew more about how to handle the sea’s temperament than the others, no doubt they took responsibility for the safety of the trip.

However, a great storm rose up during their trip. A fierce gale of wind descended upon the sea; the waves were braking over the boat so that the boat was covered with the waves. The boat was swamped with water, endangering the lives of all of them!

Talk about FEAR! Do you think the disciples were greatly intimidated? I’m certain they did everything they could; it was beyond their control. And, here Jesus is ~ SLEEPING SOUNDLY on a cushion at the rear of the boat. The disciples rushed to Him and woke Him up shouting, “Save us, Lord! We are perishing!”; “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”; “Master, Master; we are perishing!”

Is that how you feel today? I’ve found my spirit shouting these things a time or two. Thus, why I turn to the Word of God. Jesus speaks to us just as He did to His chosen ones: “Why are you TIMID, you men of little FAITH? How is it that you have NO FAITH? Where is your FAITH?” What? Is Jesus not being compassionate here? Frankly, I don’t have the answer as to what the disciples SHOULD HAVE done, but I DO KNOW that Jesus stood and REBUKED the storm and it calmed immediately!

Likewise, I think of the Archangel, Michael. Surely, he had more power than any human being. But, if you read Jude, verse 4 I think we should do as he did! “But Michael the archangel, when he disputed with the devil and argued about the body of Moses, did not dare pronounce against him a railing judgment, but said, ‘The Lord rebuke you.’” Our FAITH must be in the LORD. Prayer is our key. Jesus holds the KEY. HE IS the Authority!! Mat 28:18: “And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, ‘All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.’”

DO NOT FEAR.

Jesus truly KNEW the hearts of His disciples and He knows us, too. He KNEW there was a storm. He ALLOWED them to be challenged. They called Him “Teacher”. Wow; when God teaches a lesson, we NEVER forget it, do we? Now, what would have been the worst case scenario for all of them? What did the disciples FEAR? First of all, they were intimidated by the storm. Then, they looked at Jesus and were almost OFFENDED that He SLEPT! They feared He would abandon them. “Jesus, WAKE UP! Don’t You CARE?” Do we feel that way when we encounter fiery trials? Hey, we must remember Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego! How hot was that fire again? (Daniel 3)

Next, they shouted, “We are PERISHING!” So, their next FEAR was DEATH. What if they’d been swept overboard? What Old Testament account would they have to remember? Jonah, of course! Okay, so maybe they all would have been swallowed by a great, big whale. What if they died? Well, Paradise awaits in an instant. Did you notice the “What IF’s”? Do we not ask ourselves the same thing?

Let’s talk about FEAR for a moment. Have you ever been advised not to show fear around a predatory insect or animal? A snake, a spider, a bee, a mean dog? How about an abusive spouse or criminal? Why would we not want to show fear? Predators FEED ON FEAR. Once you’ve learned the wisdom of this truth, you will also find out that predators react based on their OWN FEAR. Do you not think that Satan FEARS GOD? He fears the faith of God’s children, too! Amen!!

Now, God’s angels, when they appeared, often said to mankind, “Do not fear; do not be afraid.” Then, we remember the scripture found in 2 Tim 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline (a sound mind).” I have to admit; I keep hearing God say to me, “Do not fear”. What causes timidity? Intimidation. Who or what intimidates you? Is your faith in THINGS? Is your faith in MONEY? Is your faith in PEOPLE? Fear and/or worry is the opposite of faith! Peter certainly was fearful and intimidated when he denied Christ on the night of our Lord’s arrest.

This is Only a Test

A Test of the Emergency FAITH System!

Yes, we are human. We are not gods. How can God teach us faith if we are not tested? Ever see the military perform what they call “exercises”? They practice the real deal (of course, no one is in real imminent danger). They do this to prepare themselves for what lies ahead. How much more can we face imminent danger knowing God is in control? Why would He put us through such things? To prepare us for greater things! God is our commanding officer! What will you do, should you have to choose between buying and selling or receiving the mark of the beast? Will you fear so much that your faith will fail you unto eternal damnation? Will you abandon the very One Who will save you? We are not to love our lives even unto death (Rev 12:11). Jesus told us in John 11:26, “Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die.” He then followed that statement with, “Do you believe this, [insert your name here]?” Do you? Believing is the same as FAITH. God knows what He’s doing.

I recently remembered the movie “Bambi”. Remember when the birds were hidden safely in the grasses of the field? The hunters’ footsteps could be heard; the vibrations of their steps felt in the ground. The wise birds stayed put and pleaded with the one who panicked with fear ~ the one that desperately wanted to fly away!! “WAIT!” She did not listen. She flew. The gun-shot was heard and the “thunk” that followed. I do know that we are to wait upon the Lord for His direction and His confirmation. Waiting is hard in times of crisis. We mustn’t panic. Keep sober; stay on the alert; pray; discern His voice; ASK for direction and CONFIRMATION (2 Cor 13:1). Only make a move when He makes it clear. Sometimes, you won’t know WHY He’s told you to do something; just be obedient. Obedience is BETTER than sacrifice!! He will NOT FAIL YOU. God is LOVE (1 John 4:8, 16) and LOVE NEVER FAILS (1 Cor 13:8).

We must STAND on His Word. These accounts are recorded because we NEED THEM today! We will need them until He comes again! Remember that Satan cannot do anything to God’s children without God’s permission (Job 1:6-12 and Job 2:1-6) . Have you no faith? Only a little faith? All we “need” is the “faith of a mustard seed”. I can guarantee you we have a whole plant of mustard seeds when it comes to fear and worry. We are but dust (Gen 18:27). Have you prayed for God to increase your faith? I know I have. If Jesus Christ be IN YOU, He has NO FEAR.

So, I suppose we are to embrace these circumstances and count it all joy! Jam 1:2-3 tell us, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” Then, we are told that “the one that endures to the end shall be saved.” That is TOTALLY THE OPPOSITE of our flesh, isn’t it? Oh, may we take our eyes and ears off the intimidating dragon and his smoking nostrils. Eph 5:20 says, “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Remember, it is He Who crushed Satan’s head!! IT IS FINISHED!!

Comforting Scriptures

Phil 4:6: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Prov 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Ps 37:23: “The steps of a man are established by the LORD, And He delights in his way.”

Rom 8:38-39: “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Rom 10:13/Acts 2:21: “Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Mat 6:7-8: “And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the heathen do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.”

Mat 6:19-21: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Mat 6:24-33 (summary): “Do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will wear. And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? Your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Jer 29:11 is my absolute favorite verse in times of trouble: “‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’”  AMEN!

Share on Facebook

Part 1:

Part 2:

Share on Facebook

The fear, anxiety, distrust and trouble with intimacy of all sorts that any kind of abuse breeds is just as common in spiritual abuse victims. What’s both unusual and frustrating, however, is that most the time those who are abusing are also being abused or have been a victim of similar forms of spiritual abuse themselves. While I believe anyone who abuses another should be held accountable for their actions, it’s hard to do so when you know they too are being mistreated

So what do I mean by spiritual abuse? My personal “elevator definition” is mental and emotional abuse that regards spiritual matters and in turn affects a person’s spiritual life. Abuse can take on many forms including inappropriate shaming from the pulpit in an effort to get the congregation to do something out of guilt; leading the congregation to believe that only the pastor or the pastor’s wife can help them (instead of going to a counselor or other outside help for common problems); making up man-made rules using snippets of Scripture to make them seem required by God; and teaching members that their belief system is the only true Biblical way to believe.

Want more than my word for it? The definition found on the Watchman Fellowship Web site reads like this:
“Spiritual abuse is the misuse of a position of power, leadership, or influence to further the selfish interests of someone other than the individual who needs help. Sometimes abuse arises out of a doctrinal position. At other times it occurs because of legitimate personal needs of a leader that are being met by illegitimate means. Spiritually abusive religious systems are sometimes described as legalistic, mind controlling, religiously addictive, and authoritarian.”

The following excerpts from “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse” by David Johnson & Jeff VanVonderen offer a few more detailed examples of spiritual abuse:

“Spiritual abuse can occur when a leader uses his or her spiritual position to control or dominate another person.” (p.20)
“Spiritual abuse can also occur when spirituality is used to make others live up to a ‘spiritual standard’.” (p.21)
Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22)
“When your words and actions tear down another, or attack or weaken a person’s standing as a Christian-to gratify you, your position or your beliefs, while at the same time weakening or harming another-that is spiritual abuse.” (p.23)
“There are spiritual systems in which…the members are there to meet the needs of the leaders… These leaders attempt to find fulfillment through the religious performance of the very people whom they are there to serve and build. This is an inversion of the body of Christ. It is spiritual abuse.” (p.23)

So how does one know they are being spiritually abused? Most of you reading this right now are probably thinking “My church is just fine, it’s Godly and a good place.” Well, that’s what most people in abusive churches believe. After all, (for the most part) the abusive churches are in what many consider mainstream society and while some may fit under what is considered “a different religion,” they are not considered cultish in most circles. It would be easy to see how a cult could be spiritually abusive, it’s harder to see how a “normal” church could fall under that category. It’s especially hard, I think, to see your own church as being potentially abusive.

There are a number of Web sites available that deal with spiritual abuse. One site I will direct your attention to is ChurchAbuse.com, which offers a simple survey one can take to get a better idea if they are in a healthy church environment or not. The address for that survey is http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp

The good news is, there is recovery from spiritual abuse, just like other forms of serious abuse. It takes time, a lot of heartache, but it’s something that God wants to heal you from if you are willing to let him.

“Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).

Share on Facebook

Three weeks ago, I discussed how the fear we can have of the unknown or unexpected situations in life can be driven by our anger.  However, neither fear nor anger should we express in times of uncertainty because of the faith that we must have in knowing that God has got His best in store for us.  Even though I talked about anger driving fear, this week I plan to discuss how anxiety, worry, and tension can fuel fear.  There are many passages of scripture that talk about how us, as believers, should not worry or have anxiety in regards to uncertainty because God has in store what is best for us.  However, let us focus on anxiety and worry for a bit.

It is definitely part of human nature to experience the emotions of anxiety and worry.  However, anxiety and worry are more than just emotions.  As is the case with each emotion we experience and express, not only do we feel it within our being but our bodies also react in the correct response to each emotion.  For example, if you are happy and are experiencing a great day, chances are your body feels great and you feel as though you’re filled with high amounts of energy.  When we’re mad, many times our fists can clench, we sometimes can grit our teeth and the features of our faces can get tight.  However, with both of these emotions, including many others, our bodies interact even more internally to what we are feeling externally.

The same can be said for when we feel anxiety and worry.  According to the DSM-IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Fourth Edition, Text Revision), here are some of the physiological symptoms one may experience when he or she may feel anxiety or worry:  accelerated or pounding heart rate, sweating, shaking, shortness of breath, choking feeling in the throat, chest pains, stomach discomfort, dizziness, numbness or tingling sensations, hot or cold fluctuation in body temperature, body fatigue, and muscle tension.  The DSM-IV-TR is any and every therapist’s diagnostic code guide that contains all mental and behavioral disorders, their descriptions, and diagnostic codes for insurance purposes.  These are all just physiological effects too!  If you find one in this list that is positive, please let me know.  I know that I dislike or would dislike experiencing any of these, when given the opportunity.

Just imagine the thoughts we can have and that are usually tied to these emotions!  One of the things I learned in school is not only can one’s emotions tie into how he or she is feeling, but those emotions can also tie into how one thinks and behaves.  There is a mode of therapy that is tied into this concept and it is called Rational-Emotive Therapy and was originally developed by a man by the name of Albert Ellis.  One of the components to this mode of therapy is a theory called the ABC Theory of Emotions, in which this theory explains “that all emotional responses are the result of cognitive processes and the invariant sequence is (A) perceptual processes–situational determinants; (B) cognitive processes–thinking, evaluating, self-talk; (C) physiological responses–feelings”(Found in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology and Counseling, page 1002).  This description reveals exactly how our feelings are influenced by external stimuli in relation to our thought processes and how our body reacts to all of this.  Let’s use an example.  Hypothetically, there is a child who has a fear of bees.  This child is outside enjoying a wonderful, sunny, and warm summer day.  He is minding his own business when suddenly a bee buzzes right past his face and instantly lands on this boy’s hand.  The boy immediately reacts out of fear, as he recognizes that this bee has landed on his hand.  Connected to his ability to recognize this bee, he instinctively remembers that bees sting, which then causes fear to strike and settle in to this boy’s mind and heart.  At this point in time, the boy then has two choices in how to respond, either to fight the bee off or to run away in fear.  This response is referred to as the fight vs. flight response.  Many times, with anxiety, one can be so paralyzed with fear that s/he could act as though s/he could not do anything except for running away in fear.  This would be the flight response.  The fight response would be if that boy would choose to stand his ground against the bee and swat it!

As I believe I mentioned in my previous post, fear is not from God.  In terms concerning the uncertain future, we shall not hide.  In fact, it would be merely impossible to do so.  And would fighting off what we have coming to us be appropriate either?  Therefore, when it comes to our uncertain futures, we must simply just stand and wait patiently for our futures to arrive.  However, this can be easier said than done.  Of course during the time of uncertainty, we can experience anxiety, worry, and tension.  Even though it is human to experience these feelings, God does expect more from us in matters of faith.  Scripture even discusses the topic of anxiety.  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus“(Philippians 4:6-7 NIV).  During tough and trying times in which we may not know the outcome, anxiety can definitely take root in one’s heart.  Of course, this is a natural reaction, but Paul encourages us to lift those anxieties, those concerns up to our Lord because only He can handle the weight of those concerns and issues.  When He does, He then supplies us with overwhelming peace that then occupies our hearts and our minds.  Going back to the Rational-Emotive ABC Model, that would then include part B, which deals with our cognitive processes.  Instead of us focusing negative energy on things uncertain that can cause anxiety, Paul mentions we should focus our thoughts more on God and how He is still going to take care of us!

But what about worry?  Sure, anxiety and worry can be found hand-in-hand.  Actually, there wouldn’t be any anxiety if it was not for worry.  For me, it is very easy to worry about things both determined and uncertain in my life.  Looking back on most things in my life I have worried about, I now realize I have no reason to worry now, nor should I back then.  I must also confess that I’m not all null and void from still experiencing worry.  In fact, there are still factors either present or not yet present in my life that I still worry about.  One of the passages of scripture that really helps me in terms of worrying and the blessing of God’s peace is Matthew 6:25-34.  This passage of scripture is part of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount.  The headline of the passage even says:  Jesus Teaches about Worry.  Here is that passage in full:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  And why do you worry about clothes?  See how the lilies of the field grow.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Summarizing this passage, Jesus is telling His disciples and followers that there is no need for them to worry about what may occur for the future in their lives.  Jesus is also telling His disciples and followers that there is no need to worry about the material things in life, because He has them provided for you!  Overall, Jesus is telling them He knows their needs and is reassuring them that their needs are provided for!  Instead of worrying, Jesus offers an alternative form of behavior we should enact when we begin to worry.  Jesus prescribed for His disciples and followers to firstly seek God’s Kingdom and His righteousness and everything else will be added!  The same can be applied to us.  If we are to seek God first in our lives and if we were to put him first, He will supply and bless us with our needs.  Therefore, what is the purpose in worrying?!

Since we know that God will provide for our needs and bless us with His peace when we lift up our concerns to him, we should in return be able to receive the peace He has in store for us and that we desperately need!  In addition to His peace and Him providing for our needs, He also has a wonderful plan in store for all of us!  I realize in my last post, I shared Jeremiah 29:11.  This verse rings true with my point to this blog post as well.  Therefore, since God has a plan for our lives, He will provide for our needs, He blesses us with His peace during the difficult times when we turn to him and since “His perfect love drives out our fears,” (ref. 1 John 4:18) we know that we have absolutely nothing to get anxious or to worry about.  And when we do experience worry or anxiety, instead of fretting about what might or might not happen, we should just lift up our worries, anxieties, cares, and concerns up to Him “because He cares for us“(1 Peter 5:7)!  Once we do this, and we realize that He loves us, we can also be reassured that “If God is for us, who can be against us“(Romans 8:31b).  Since we recognize all these wonderful things about God and His caring relationship with us, it then becomes easier for us to grow farther in our faith in Him as well.  Therefore, we should choose to live our lives in faith instead of fear!

Please stay tuned for my next blog post when I begin to talk about issues regarding faith and how we should live our lives according to matters of faith.  Passages of scripture will include quotes from Hebrews 11.  Looking forward to sharing that with you all soon!  Thanks for reading.  God bless and be encouraged……..

Share on Facebook

Fear vs. Faith

The unknown.  How can the unknown be defined?  One definition could be what is not currently seen by our “limited-to-the-present” eyes.  Can the uncertainty of our future also mean our future being uncertainly defined?  Within our definition and the knowledge we have of our own futures, sure!  What is unknown or uncertain and how should we react to it?  There are only two reactions that we can have towards the uncertain future:  either fear or faith.  Which shall you choose?  As believers and followers of Christ, which reaction has Jesus called for us to use?  If we were to react in fear, does that reflect upon our loving relationship with Jesus or our faith in Him or both?  If we were to react to the uncertain future in faith, does that follow through with what our belief system prescribes for us to do and does that work completely against our inner being as human?  For this multiple part series, let’s do some “soul searching,” on what God says we should do in terms of reacting to uncertain events in either fear or faith.

First off, what exactly does the word fear mean?  According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary’s website, fear means:  “1 a : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger b (1) : an instance of this emotion (2) : a state marked by this emotion.  2 : anxious concern” amongst other meanings.  In summarization, fear means a strong feeling of anxiety of the unknown.  Secondly, what does faith mean?  According to Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

For most individuals I know, fear can be and is an instant and common reaction for one to have in according to terms of one’s future or even just the uncomfortable uncertainty of an unexpected event.  When one does not know what is in store for one’s future, it is easy for that person to experience fear tied to the emotions of worry, anxiety, tension, and maybe even sometimes anger.  However, what I have learned from my own personal experience concerning an unexpected event that might not have gone how I expected it to go, my instant reaction used to be anger.  Let me give an example.  A few years ago, when I was still going through school for my degree, I used to work for a well-known pharmacy retail chain.  One of the many duties of my job was to work the photo lab and one of the many things I learned about working in a photo lab is sometimes people can be very picky and particular as to how their photos are presented back to them in paper form and how they look!  There had been many times when I was either working under pressure and time constraints or under the strict and minimal approval of a tough customer that had caused for me to experience anger.  I will also admit that there were times when I did not handle my anger well, which would then cause for me to experience an unpleasant interaction with an unhappy customer, which then would be classified as a “Larry David moment.”  In most of those situations, anger and impatience had determined my actions and had set the tone of my interaction with the customer.  After awhile, this had grown to become a concern of mine as things were not improving on my part.  I then decided to talk with the therapist I was seeing at the time concerning this matter.  I provided for her a few examples of how I handled these situations in anger and that this flaw was something I was wanting to work on to better myself.  Her first question to me in return was, “What are you afraid of?”  My initial reaction to her question was one of shock and I was taken aback to what she was asking.  I asked for clarification and she then responded to me by repeating the very same question that knocked me off track the first time.  I then thought about it for a bit and then responded to her by saying:  “I guess I’m afraid of having another unhappy customer on my hands and me getting written up and being reprimanded by the corporation as a result.”  Bingo!  Through God’s help and guidance, I was able to target the source of my fear, which then provided for me the right sense of direction and through talking things over with my therapist, she then helped equipped me with the correct skills to handle such situations.

As I tell others I know, this is proof that counseling is beneficial to you!  So, taking into consideration, fear can also be driven by our anger.  Next time you are angry about something, ask yourself if there is anything you fear in relation to what you are angry about and it just might help you pinpoint what is really driving your emotions!

Yes, even though anger is an emotion that is common for us to experience, one thing we should always do when we are angry is to put ourselves into check by asking ourselves how we should react in our anger in the best way possibly that will express God’s love for others.  The same thing goes for what causes us to feel anxiety, worry, and tension.  The Bible mentions in 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear”(NIV).  Therefore, because of the perfect love God has for us, we should not have fear concerning anything.  God has our best interests at heart.  Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”(NIV).  Because of the love and the plans God has for us, we should therefore have “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding” (Phil. 4:7), which should deliver us from a spirit of fear and should reassure us that the unknown, the uncertainty in life will be ok.  It is taken care of by God!

God does not desire for us to be timid of our unknown circumstances.  “But, Curtis, (you may ask), why does scripture say that we are to fear the Lord our God?”  That form of fear is different, meaning that we should revere and serve Him with the utmost respect and admiration.  That is what the form of fear that scripture mentions.  The form of fear I am talking about is the paralyzing feeling one may experience when dealing in terms of great uncertainty.  I have found myself in this position many times throughout my life regarding any circumstance I have had to endure that dealt with a serious level of uncertainty.  Whenever I have experienced this form of fear, scriptures of faith have provided to be an enormous source of encouragement for me.  These passages of scripture I am referring to, I will talk further in depth when I address the issue of how we should live our lives more in terms of faith, including our reactions to uncertain things.  Therefore, please stay tuned to see what I will have to share in terms of faith.

In conclusion to the first part of this series, there are times when we all are susceptible to experiencing fear.  Fear is an emotion that is part of our imperfect humanity.  As a result of the state of being in fear, we can experience many emotions consisting of anxiety, worry, tension, and anger.  And on the opposite end of the spectrum, we should strive to have more faith in God.  He will provide for us and help us with the uncertain things in life because of the perfect love and the plans He has for us to prosper and to be blessed.  That is the goal.  Please stay tuned as I will continue soon with a focus on what it is like to live our lives according to terms of faith, instead of fear.  Until then, God bless and be encouraged!

Share on Facebook

Sometimes as we go through life, we may have a tendency to wonder from time to time if God is actually present in our lives.  Sure, we realize and recognize that He does exist and we know that He’s been in others’ lives from what they tell us they have experienced.  However, sometimes, those experiences that reveal the absolute truth to the existence of God can seem so few and far between for some of us.  This thought is true, or at least, was true to my friend Mary until this week.  Due to the surprising and unwinding sequence of events from this past week, Mary’s faith in God has increased exponentially!  And now she finally has a great story that she can tell and affirm in saying that she has experienced God and what He can do to remind her that He does remember her and that he loves not only her, but also her children.  Here is her story, per her permission for me to share.

Mary is a single mother of two:  Tristen, who is a 13 year old male and Adrianna, who is a 12 year old female.  For six years now, I have had the privilege of being good friends with Mary, who I consider to be one of the best, strongest and yet most compassionate single mothers I have ever met.  I only know through observation and through what I have been told, but I understand being a single mother is a tough but vastly rewarding job!  I’m sure if one were to ask Mary what it is like to be a single mother, she would probably tell you it is no walk in the park but that she has no regrets about it!  Her children take after their mother in being great people!  One thing I know that they have learned from their mother is to be as Christ-like as possible in their lives.  Mary’s children have had a blessed upbringing by being raised by a strong woman of God who has also taught her children the ways of the Lord.  However, I know that if one were to ask Mary about her life with God, she would tell you that she knows, without a benefit of the doubt, that He does exist but that she wonders from time to time just how near to her and her children He actually is.  Just this week, Mary was reminded that He is still very much present in her life and that He does remember and that He does provide!

Adrianna, Mary’s 12 year old daughter, is just reaching adolescence and from what her mother describes her, her personality and actions define her at a higher maturity level than what is compatible to her age.  She is much like her mother in being strong-willed and not allowing others to walk all over her, if the opportunity presents itself.  Tristen, Mary’s 13 year old son, is a kind-hearted boy whose personality is so uplifting, it is enough to brighten anybody’s day.  He is a delightful child and for a child like him, who has Autism, he functions extremely well!  He even gets excited sometimes over the things that bring delight to his heart and for someone with Autism, this is merely an impossibility.

For those of you who do not understand what Autism is, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental and Behavioral Disorders, Autism is:

“A total of six or more items from (1), (2), and (3), with at least two from (1), and one each from (2) and (3):

(1) qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

(a) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

(b) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

(c) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (example: by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest)

(d) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

(2) qualitative impairments in communication as manifested by at least one of the following:

(a) delay in, or total lack of, the development of spoken language (not accompanied by an attempt to compensate through alternative modes of communication such as gesture or mime)

(b) in individuals with adequate speech, marked impairment in ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others

(c) stereotyped and repetitive use of language or idiosyncratic language

(d) lack of varied, spontaneous make-believe play or social imitative play appropriate to developmental level

(3) restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

(a) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus

(b) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals

(c) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (example:  hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)

(d) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects”

Tristen does not fulfill each of these criteria, but he fulfills the requirement of these to acquire the diagnosis of Autism.  Just because of the disorder Tristen has, does not make him any less of a human being.  In many ways, I consider him to be more human than the rest of us.  We make life so complicated and tough sometimes.  If there is one thing I have learned from Tristen, it is to take life with the wonderment and delight as he does.  It is because of the lesson I learned from him, each time I see him I get a huge smile on my face and am very happy to see him!

Anyway, enough background information.  The story continues with this culminating event.  This past Tuesday, I got a call from Mary informing me her, Tristen, and Adrianna were going to be on the news!  The local news station I regularly watch was going to Mary’s place to interview her and her children concerning the matter that Tristen’s trike was stolen from their apartment last Saturday night.  First of all, I felt horrible knowing that someone took a form of exercise and recreation away from Tristen, who absolutely just loves his trike!  I also felt horrible for Mary, who told me she would be unable to afford another trike for Tristen.  On the opposite, I was very excited for Mary to share this story with our community in huge hopes that someone would find the trike and return it.  That night, on the 10:00 news, I saw the story and it was well done!  Mary was nervous of appearing on camera, but she looked calm, cool, and collected and stated her case of just wanting Tristen’s trike back.  About 20 minutes after the story aired, I got a call from Mary sharing with me some excellent news!  She said that a man that works at one of the local car dealerships called the news station and told the reporter who did the story that he would like to buy Tristen a new trike!  Mary was so excited when she called to tell me, it made me excited!  She had been saying that God is so good and that she had experienced a reminder from God that He still provides and wants the best for His children!  This was an awesome ending, I thought, to a story that had such a sad beginning.  Little did all of us know at that time that God had so much more to reveal.

The next morning, Mary got a call from a neighbor who said she had found Tristen’s bike underneath her front window and that she just could not believe she had found it!  Mary shared with me that earlier her neighbor had doubt that any good would come about from this event and Mary expressed to her that she believed that God was still going to provide, she just did not know how.  Well, when her neighbor brought over Tristen’s trike, Mary mentioned her neighbor was still in shock how things had transpired.  Just a few miles away from Mary, at about the same time of day, the gentleman that works at the car dealership who was going to buy Tristen a new trike had been receiving calls all morning long from anonymous people who were offering to contribute money to help buy Tristen a new trike.  As far as I had known, Brian, which is the gentleman’s name, was not even shared or mentioned on the news as to saying that he was willing to buy Tristen a new trike.  Surely, I understand that the news station kept receiving calls from anonymous donors who were wanting to help buy Tristen a new trike and the news station then gave these would-be donors Brian’s information to give him a call.  Brian then received a call from Mary saying her neighbor found Tristen’s trike but the bar that held the seat was cut through to release it from the lock it was chained to.  Brian then mentioned that he would still pay for the charge to help fix the trike.  They sent the trike to the nearest bike repair shop to get it fixed.  The link to the story at the top of this post is the news story about Tristen getting his trike back.  You are more than welcome to watch it!  This, too, was a great news piece.

In the meantime, Mary received a $150 Wal-Mart gift card from someone and on the back, this person wrote Genesis 8:1 on it.  Mary told me she looked up the verse and it said:  “But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded.”  The first three words to this passage are what stuck out the most to Mary:  “But God remembered.”  Mary was floored!  If I can recall correctly, Mary mentioned to me she was moved to tears and she was thanking God for not only giving Tristen’s trike back to them but for also the many other gifts they have been receiving in addition to!  Ever since receiving that gift card and from the remaining events of the week, Mary’s faith in God was not restored.  It had been there all along.  But, what had happened was that she was reminded of just how much not only does God care and love for them, but that He knows of every detail of their lives and that He is and always will be there, right by her side to help her out!  This week’s events also reminds me of this verse:  “Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”(Deuteronomy 31:6, NIV).  Throughout this past week, Mary was completely strong and courageous by initiating the first steps to finding Tristen’s trike.  Because Mary is one of God’s children and that her children are God’s children and that God is our Heavenly Father who looks to bless and provide for His children, God allowed for what could have been an impossibility of Mary getting Tristen’s trike back to actually become reality with even more gifts than anyone else would ever expect!

In closing, Brian was still taking donations from others to help pay for what he first thought would be Tristen’s new trike.  However, instead of giving that money back to those who offered it, he decided to still put it to good use to find others with disabilities who were in need of a trike, to give to them.  Him and Mary then decided to organize a charitable group that Mary fittingly named Tristen’s Trikes.  Since that point in time, they have been advertising on television newscasts and radio shows about Tristen’s Trikes, that the car dealership that Brian works for and the bike shop that fixed Tristen’s Trike would collect the money and they would then give this money to two organizations in town that would then buy the trikes to give to the disabled individuals that are in need of those trikes.  With how this week’s events have transpired, I have also been reminded that for those that follow God and have a desire to bring good to His children, blessing others when they themselves have been blessed that they are then provided the opportunity to be “re-blessed” because of the blessing they have been to others.  Tying into this thought, the passage of 2nd Corinthians 9:6-11 comes to mind.  Now I do understand that this passage of scripture has to deal with providing tithes and offerings to our Lord, but it is also entitled Sowing Generously.  This concept is so true!

For those of you who feel lead to possibly give to the charitable organization of Tristen’s Trikes, here is the website you can go to get the contact information on where you can send your monetary donation:   http://tristenstrikes.blogspot.com/.

In closing, I hope you have been encouraged by this incredibly awesome story of faith and blessing!  May you be blessed exponentially next time you give to bless others or when you give to bless our LORD.  Until next time, be encouraged!

Share on Facebook

There are many times in my job when I have people who come into my office who can identify themselves as one of the four I mentioned above.  However, whenever any form of identity is “ripped” away from them, it is easy for that individual to suddenly feel lost, disappointed, disillusioned and even depressed and understandably so.  Just imagine the thought of losing your job or finding your marriage or dating relationship crashing down around you.  However, the form of identity I am referring to is one that will never leave us and that we should choose never to abandon.  Once we discover what our Identity in Christ is, we are then able to not only identify ourselves as ones whom Christ loves and died on the cross for, but we can also identify ourselves as ones who are redeemed and loved, not only by Jesus, but also by the Creator of the heavens and the earth.

But how does one go about discovering his or her Identity in Christ?  For one, I feel it is important for us to discover how or where we are originated.  Without going into extensive terms on the origin of our humanity, let us simply refer to the passage of scripture that easily sums it up:  Genesis 1:26, “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, our likeness….”  Therefore, this passage is saying that us humans, as individuals, are created by God and are emulant of his image!  That provides for a firm foundation as to what our Identity in Christ is!  We are created by the Almighty Creator!

Now that we have identified that we are created by God, it helps define us as part of His creation.  In addition to, when Jesus came upon the scene, He also helped in defining us as God’s children.  “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God–children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.”  (John 1:12-13)  With what John says in his book, when we accept Jesus as our Savior, we then become one of God’s children.  What a status!  To be one of God’s sons or daughters, I find to be not only a very liberating thought, but also a very humbling feeling!  To think that God loves us so much and if we love him and his son, Jesus in return, we are then called one of His children!  To me, this is a huge proponent to our Identity in Christ.

Not only are we then considered one of God’s children, but it is also stated in the Word that God loves us!  The famous passage, John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”  So now, we have three proponents to our relationship with God that we can then form to create our Identity in Christ:  we are part of God’s creation, we are considered God’s children, and He loves us so much that He gave us is only Son!

Finally, there is one other thing I would like to add to our definition of our Identity in Christ.  Not only does our identity define who we are, but it should also define how we act.  Some of those who are defined by their actions, according to terms of identity could be lawbreakers and prisoners for one.  Sorry, I do not mean to get negative or critical but because of one’s actions they commit, whether good or bad, helps us define who those individuals are.  One who would be considered as a positive individual according to his or her actions would be one who works for a charity or one who leads others to Christ.  The actions that we choose to make, therefore contribute to God’s Kingdom.  God has called for us to live, to follow, and behave to a certain standard.  This standard consists of following through with what His Word tells us to do.  For example, actions that would give a positive reflection on our Identity in Christ can be found in the Beatitudes, which is located in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:3-12).  Another thing I tell many of my clients is that our attitudes interpret what our actions will be.  If we were to act out in a way that would positively reflect our Identity in Christ, our attitudes must also be in line with those actions.  The fruits of the Spirit, which can be found in Galatians 5:22-26, are a great example of how we should formulate our attitudes to reflect a positive Identity in Christ.  Once one’s attitudes are reflective of the Fruits of the Spirit, it is then easy for one to commit actions that are pleasing to God and that provide a positive reflection on our Identity in Christ.

In summarization, once we, as individuals, realize just who we are in Christ we can then walk with blessed assurance in knowing that our identity rests upon one who “shall never leave you nor forsake you”(Deuteronomy 31:6).  That, within itself, shall provide for us a sense of identity that we can be confident about and can take comfort in knowing will never cease to exist!

In conclusion, I sincerely hope that you have found this blog entry to be a source of encouragement for you and food for thought as how you can identify yourself within Christ’s body of believers.  Please, comment me in response to my blog with your thoughts, reflections, and feelings concerning this blog entry.  I would enjoy a thorough “comment conversation” with those who are blessed by reading this post.  Also, if any of you would like for me to talk about any certain subject Christian Counseling related, please comment me or e-mail me and let me know what you would like to learn more about from my research and my perspective.  May the Lord bless you through reading this and may He bless you further more from this day forward!

Share on Facebook